4 Norms For a Church Family

Though Jonathan Haidt's book The Anxious Generation is a whopping 400 pages, he wisely trimmed his recommended action steps down to four norms that were simple, easy to remember, and easy to communicate. As a family, we had already lived by three of the four norms (no phones before high school, no social media before 16, and more independence and risk in the real world—phone-free school was beyond our control). We began praying about how these norms intersected with the Church and discipleship.

We had seen anecdotally that teens who got phones and social media earlier also struggled more in spiritual growth through discipleship. And they were in no way ready to disciple others in young adulthood. We started referring to this as the collapse of discipleship. We wondered if ministry leaders and pastors would be able to get behind Haidt's specific directives to prevent that collapse.

We prayed for the Lord to reveal to us a similar set of four Kingdom-minded directives that churches could get behind to turn the tide in their own congregations and beyond. The Lord helped us land on these four norms for the Church. We firmly believe that the local church has the greatest potential to reverse the tech-induced collapse of discipleship and lead the fight to protect a generation of kids from unbelievable harm. As Sam Black says in The Healing Church, "The Church is God's Plan A."

Share these four norms with your pastors and church leaders. They represent action steps we can unite around. Let's reverse the tech-induced collapse of discipleship.

As a Church Community, We Will...

1. PRAY

As a church community, we agree to pray about the technology currently in our lives and how we are stewarding it.

Is the Lord permitting and giving grace for this tech use? Is it producing good fruit in my life? What about the season just up ahead? Is there any new technology in our family’s future that we need wisdom and guidance to navigate? As with all of the things in our life, we should have an open hand for the Lord to remove anything that does not give Him glory.

2. PACE

When it comes to kids and technology, we agree to go at a slower pace than the world, for the sake of our children, our families, and our church community.

Do we have a word from the Lord about His divine timing for releasing certain kinds of technology into our kids lives (especially video games, phones, and social media)? We recognize the importance of building our kids Biblical Worldview throughout the years of childhood and adolescence, which requires considerable time and energy that can be easily sucked away by addictive technology. We want to raise kids who know how to be set apart, whose innocence is preserved, who can courageously stand against peer-pressure.

3. PROTECT

We agree to protect the technology in our homes that our children have access to by implementing available safety protocols.

Are we willing to evaluate the technology usage in our homes and make adjustments to our convenience in the name of protecting our kids’ innocence and health (spiritual, emotional, cognitive)? In humility, we rightly recognize that when we cease to be vigilant, we make our homes vulnerable to the impact of numerous online dangers.

4. PARTNER

We agree to partner with others in our church community to approach technology with the fear of the Lord and a high value on our interconnectedness.

Are we walking with other families who are intentionally using less technology to foster stronger relationships? Do we have a conviction about how our personal technology practices impact our community, both in ministry and fellowship settings? Are we teachable and willing to engage in healthy community accountability to build rich, real-life connections?  Do we look for ways to help those who need it when it comes to making tech safer? We have the opportunity to support each other in our resolve to be counter-cultural, delaying addictive media as long as possible, and providing accountability against technology’s temptations.